Second wave came in as a shock to me. After a blooming March and believing that corona was fading, as people were crowding something inside me finally started feeling relieved. Colleges reopened after the 1st wave and getting out of my house, meeting people that I'm only familiar with voices were all very interesting. Days went swiftly, our days were filled with plans after plans and laughter after all those loneliness. But then in the mid of March again slowly news started creeping in about second wave. I didn't quite believe or didn't quite understand what they were even talking about. I wasn't believing in the first place as elections were happening and no news about corona was on mainstream media. Things were slowly building up just like compound interest and boom there it was the second wave. Everywhere people were talking about oxygen, medicine and crematoriums. But at the top of all everywhere more than lakhs were dying. Most of us were looking for leads and rotary clubs were initiating everyone to be volunteers. In the midst of all that there were screams and racing ambulances. Things didn't feel right. I mentally and physically froze at how helpless I felt. I tried calling my family and friends ensuring their safety but then boom again I get a phone call early in the morning on someday I didn't notice the date of, the call was about my aunty who used to make me yummy food every time I visited her. They called to let us know that she was no more that she died due to corona. This news was a big shock and then 2 days after, my entire house was having high and low temperatures. A part of me was scared and a part of me was relieved. We were all isolating and recovering . During the entire isolation all I thought was about the life I lived. The days I spent crying, the days I wasted pleasing someone, the days I hid my smile and those beautiful days which turned into a nightmare due to ego. I was slowly feeling fine but mentally I was sick. Sick of everything that I wasn't doing for myself, sick of times when I didn't start due to fear and sick of the little things I failed to appreciate. I might never get to taste my aunties hot samosas here after. Things were hitting me right on my face. All those orphaned kids, all those happy families that disappeared and all those smiling faces that were going to be missed. Part of me lost hope but part of me is growing to be more accepting. My routine is messed up, my mental health is messed up but still I'm trying to build my hope. Things might be dirty right now, things might be very sad and weakening right now but we are all alive for some twisted reason and we all must somehow make the most of these beautiful days and nights. Things are pretty messed out there and within us as well. Belief is a strong word and something in me believes that these days shall pass too. Belief is a process its an entire system to build and not a goal. It takes time, it takes little bits to add into one final product. For us all to believe and dream about good days it might take some time but it'll surely happen someday. Everything can be a mess right now but reconstructing little by little will someday add up to one marvelous creation. It's OK to stay in bed, it's OK to not feel ok during these overwhelming times and it's OK to not feel like yourself. Things will change and one day we are all going to enjoy our summer trips and smiling lips.
~Anonymous
Comentários