May 2020 made me wonder what to do with my time, May 2021 made me wonder if I will get free time. The pandemic and lockdown had crippled moving out of the house, but one thing different about May 2021 was that my grandparents and my sister with her family moved in to spend the lockdown with us.
Moving from joint family to nuclear while I was little, was a major change in my life. The cheerful bubbly talkative girl in me became a more reserved person and people drained me. So, the news of their arrival in itself had me flipped. First it was my grandparents who came in the first week of May. I am a person who loves an organized surrounding. More people meant chaos. And that is what happened. It was chaotic. A mess. I would be frustrated every time I entered the kitchen thinking ‘I just cleaned it yesterday’ or ‘I just washed the vessels. There’s more already?’ And then came the news of a complete lockdown, and my dad went to pick up my sister and her family. It had just been 3 days and I already hated doing chores. This is when I got sick too, from eating extra spicy ramen. It was a terrible two days, but also gave me a chance to reflect. I started prioritizing and stopped putting pressure on myself. I did the chores whenever I could, and if it got out of hand, I let the chips fall and prioritized my mental health. I took breaks in between, did some exercise and also slept. Sleep came naturally, there was no need to try to sleep, I was tired with all the chores and exercise. Phone usage also reduced drastically; I would even forget I had a phone, and enjoyed the moment.
The greatest plus was the time I got to spend with my adorable toddler nephew. As a gentle parenting enthusiast, I tried to be as gentle with him as possible. Showering him with love and being showered in his love was the most beautiful experience ever and is probably going to be the best in all of this year. I can still feel his cuddles and kisses when I close my eyes. He has left his traces all over the house.
Having a brother-in-law who is a farming enthusiast under the same roof worked in my favour. Our house has a small backyard space planned for gardening initially but filled with junk. We cleaned up the space and planted seeds that sprouted in the kitchen. It was back breaking work but I enjoyed doing it. I have never done such intense physical work being my dad’s little princess and this work made me sweat like never before. I had blisters in my hand and pain all over my body, but it was exhilarating. The best feeling is to use our produce in kitchen and the satisfaction level is incomparable.
One more experience which added value to the month was the 17 workshops organized by the Coimbatore Parenting Network, ‘Out of syllabus 2021’. The different perspectives shared by different experts opened my mind to new horizons. It also gave rise to many discussions and arguments and exchange of views with my family. It also made me reflect on the amount of healing we all need and the beautiful capacity we possess.
I also faced loss. The news came in April as a shock making me numb and my legs jelly-like. It took me so much time to snap back. I couldn’t believe in the news. I couldn’t believe that she’s no more. I couldn’t speak about it without crying. Dealing with loss had made me more understanding and empathetic, most of all compassionate.
Now that everyone have returned back to their homes, I ponder over the beauty of the presence of people in our lives. I realize we are rightly called social animals. I’m still a person drained by people’s company, because the one month felt like an eternity to me. But I have started wondering how beautiful a space would be where people respect each other’s boundaries and live in peace, co-exist. I miss them all now and meal times dread me now. A table filled with people, and sharing meals is definitely beautiful.
Conscious living is key to a lot of issues. Awareness brings acceptance and change. Awareness is the first step to change. What is important is the capacity to unlearn, learn and relearn. Let’s unlearn things that are not helping us, learn things we don’t know yet and relearn things we forgot but are useful. I am cheering for your learning, unlearning and relearning journey. And prioritise your mental health because no one can and no one will do it for you. Happy day!
-Roshni. C
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