Have you ever felt like there’s this one part of you constantly wanting to sulk in sadness? If yes, then this blog post is for you. Personally, I find it difficult to find the motivation to do anything, even when it's the thing I love the most, which is singing. I have been like this since 11th grade when I stepped into young adulthood. I felt that my life was going through a drastic change during this time. Growing up, I was an outgoing child. But everything changed in 11th grade. I found it increasingly difficult to hang out with my friends and I preferred staying at home. What I didn't know back then, was that I would spend most of the year at home, after graduating from school.
What makes it worse is that I’ve seen most of my friends feel the same way as well. It’s almost like we want to focus on the negative side of everything. And the fact that we are not willing to change that, makes it even more toxic. I have this strange attraction towards melancholic movies and songs. I find myself relating to people whenever I listen to those bittersweet words. It's almost like I yearn for the sadness in those melodies. Of course, singing requires you to express those emotions, but more than the singer's feelings, it is always about how it makes the listeners feel. As I type this, I realize how toxic this situation is; we're all stuck in the past, and life seems to be a vicious circle. It is frightening to be under the constant pressure of social media, expecting nothing but perfection from everyone. We are always expected to be happy just because we don't have anything to be sad about. But I think it's time to let ourselves feel the emotions and to start taking care of ourselves. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. With the pandemic, more and more people have begun to feel this way. As I look back, I realise that there was a time when I used to count the days till summer vacations would begin. Back then, I didn't have these insecurities, my life was just me, my family and my friends. There were no strangers on the internet that I compared myself with. I was able to genuinely enjoy the smaller things in life, like playing board games, painting cute little houses, or heck, even doing math problems. Staying at home back then meant having fun. But things have changed now. Staying home for more than an year now, has led me to wallow in self pity, and doubt myself more than I ever have. And unfortunately, this seems to be the case with most of my generation. Seeing other people our age, or even younger than us , being successful in their lives, has pushed a lot of us into a never ending pit of self-doubt. With us being stuck at home in our peak years, the only way we get to see the world is through the internet. But at the end, all that remains is the self pity and you.
Would it make sense to you if you went back in time and corrected all the things that went wrong? No. This is what we need to realise. The hard times have only made us stronger. The people we lost will be soon replaced with better, amazing people. Since everything happens for a reason, choose to go with the flow. We never know what the universe has planned for us. Instead of thinking about how the past could have been better, we should think about how our future can be better. I know how comfortable the sad little space that we've created, but staying in there is never gonna help us grow. Until you decide that you'll turn things around, nothing will change. You've probably heard this a million times already, but read a new book, learn to play a new instrument, paint, watch the sunset, make a new Spotify playlist or force your dad into playing board games with you. Doesn't matter what you do, make sure to move on from the darkness. It's the little things in life that matter in the long run. You shouldn't look back at the lost time and end up with regrets. But it's also alright to waste time doing nothing. These are hard times, and all you need to remain sane is to have that balance. It's not like I have achieved that either, but hey, I'm trying my best too! Don't force yourself to change, but don't get too comfortable with who you are either. In order to grow, we all need some change!
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